I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
