Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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