Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
