She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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