I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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