I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We're too hungover to prance.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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