my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
