Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
