dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
