the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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