I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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