Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize