Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
