Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
