Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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