I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
are you so shy because you have an std?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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