apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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