I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
