You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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