Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
