I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
