I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
