Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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