..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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