So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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