Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
