she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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