Moan for me like Helen Keller
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
