so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
