I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize