I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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