Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
