What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
