I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
