I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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