I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
