I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize