Your face is a jimmy john
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
