you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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