if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize