If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
