I will die if light touches me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
