that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
