Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
