so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
