It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
