Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
