I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
