i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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