I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
