Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
