Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So apparently I’m into choking now
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