grandma shit on top of the toilet
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
