I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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