You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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