I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
