she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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