U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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