you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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