if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
