Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
