i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
