his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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