hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize