I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
