My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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